SolidRed

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell
phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker
function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

Man: "Hello?"

Woman: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

Man: "Yes."

Woman: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it okay if I buy it,

sweetie?"

Man: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. I want you to be happy."

Woman: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new models. I saw one that I really liked. It's a

beautiful silver."

Man: "How much?"

Woman: "$60,000."

Man: "Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options."

Woman:"Great! Oh, and just one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

Man: "Wow, then go ahead and make them an offer, but just offer
$895,000."

Woman: "Okay. Thank you darling — you're wonderful! I'll see you later! I love you!"

Man: "Bye, I love you too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he asks, "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so 
families used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken 
& Sold to the tannery…….if you had to do this to survive 
you were "Piss Poor" 
 
But worse than that were the really poor 
folk who couldn't even afford to buy a pot……they "didn't have a pot 
to piss in" & were the lowest of the low 
 
The next time you are washing your hands and complain 
because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, 
think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about 
the 1500s: 
 
Most people got married in June because they took their 
yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June. 
However, since they were starting to smell . ….. .. 
Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. 
Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting Married. 
 
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. 
The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, 
then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the 
children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you 
could actually lose someone in it.. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the 
baby out with the Bath water!" 
 
Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no 
wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get 
warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) 
lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and 
sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof… 
Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs." 
 
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the 
house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs 
and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, 
a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the bed to afforded some protection. 
That's how canopy beds came into existence. 
 
The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other 
than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The wealthy had 
slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, 
so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their 
footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, 
when you opened the door, it would all start slipping 
outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. 
Hence: a thresh hold. 
 
(Getting quite an 
education, aren't you?) 
 
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big 
kettle that always hung over the fire.. Every day they lit 
the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly 
vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the 
stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold 
overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew 
had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence 
the rhyme: Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas 
porridge in the pot nine days old. Sometimes they could 
obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When 
 visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show 
off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home 
the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests 
and would all sit around and chew the fat. 
 
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with 
high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the 
food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often 
with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were 
considered poisonous. 
 
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt 
bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and 
guests got the top, or the upper crust. 
 
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination 
would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. 
Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and 
prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen 
table for a couple of days and the family would gather 
around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would 
wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake. 
 
England is old and small and the local folks started running 
out of places to bury people. So they would dig up 
coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the 
grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins 
were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they 
realized they had been burying people alive. So they would 
tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the 
coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. 
Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night 
 (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus,someone 
could be, saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer. 
 
And that's 
the truth….Now, whoever said History was boring!!! 
So…get out there and educate someone! ~~~ Share 
these facts with a friend.

         A blonde teenager in Springfield, Ohio,

        wanting to earn some extra money for the summer,

        decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"

        and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

        She went to the front door of the first house and asked

        the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

        "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,"

        he said, "How much will you charge me?"

        Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"

        The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and

        everything she would need was in the garage.

        The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband,

        "Does she realize that our porch goes

        ALL the way around the house?"

        He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

        The wife replied, "You're right.

        I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes

        we've been getting by email lately."

        Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

        "You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.

        "Yes, the blonde replied, and I even had paint left over,

        so I gave it two coats."

        Impressed, the man reached into his pocket

        for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a $10.00 tip.

        "And by the way, "the blonde added,

        "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

 
 
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.
One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
 "I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die and I will inherit $200 million." Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

1.A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.